How d'you make a Swiss roll?

Throw him down the Alps, of course. 

Or: take three fresh farm eggs (and some other ingredients); mix 'em up and stick everything in the oven; stick it all back in the oven when you realise you set it too low because you were following a British recipe (which uses Celsius not Fahrenheit); roll it up and let it cool into shape; unroll it, add the whipped cream and roll it up again...

...and voila!  A slightly rubbery Swiss roll!  The Girl asked for a second slice, so it can't have been that bad.  By the way, it's a chocolate Swiss roll, so it's meant to be that colour.  And there are still plenty of eggs (and cream) left for a requested "classic sponge cake" later in the week.