German bite

The Man writes...when you are enjoying great pasta in a restaurant in Germany and everyone at the table is speaking perfect English (purely for your benefit of course), you can forget you are a long way from New York until...

• you realise a person at the table next to you is smoking and there is a cigarette machine on the wall across the street; 
• the beer list includes Radler (a lemonade shandy)
• the coffee is so thick and muddy the spoon seems to be able to stand up in it on its own; when you tentatively inquire about the possibility of getting a decaff the waiter says "No!" so abruptly you think he is going to throw you out just for asking;
• your host drives you back to the hotel in his electric car; it's so tiny your knees seem to touch your ears; when he pulls away after dropping you the car is totally silent.