'L' of a day

I was saying the other day how all the Americans I've been meeting have a great sense of humour. Ha! Not the one I met today. No sense of humour at all. Not a jot. Not one iota.

We finally took our driving tests - the last stage in the long process of becoming New Yorkers. All the other Britons we know had told us what a doddle it was. You turn up, the tester is some guy who just wants to talk about tennis while you drive round the block with him a couple of times. Piece of cake.

Just our luck, then, to get some grim-faced woman with (did I mention this?) no sense of humour. Because right at the start of the test I suddenly got a fit of nerves and couldn't remember how to start the car. 'Hm, only been driving 25 years...' I quipped. As in 'This isn't really the first time I've ever driven a car! Ha ha!' I was being self-deprecating, for crying out loud. But I guess she thought I was acting cocky, as in 'Don't know why the hell I have to take your silly test, I'm such an experienced driver...'

Anyway, she spent the entire rest of the test being mean to me. At one point she actually said (word for word quote), 'Just because you're not 16, don't imagine I can't fail you!' To which I replied, 'Just because I'm older than you, don't think you're obliged to patronize me!'

No, of course I didn't.

So we complete the course and she says, 'I'd have failed you, but I know you have a foreign license and you'd just keep driving anyway, so what would be the point?'

At which I screamed, 'So. Why the hell did I have to take this test at all then!!!'

I didn't. I did wind down the window as we drove off and shouted 'More fool you! Did I mention that I drive the wrong way up interstates?'

No. I didn't do that either. Wish I had though. She was really nasty. And she wasn't just having a bad day. She's always like that, I could tell. Mean. Mean to the core.

The Man passed too, by the way.