There's no answer to that

I'd ear-marked today to finish painting the sitting room, but woke up to find it was a snow day. More of a slush day, really. The alarmist winter storm forecasts of the previous couple of days weren't realised, except with a brief spell of freezing rain. But it was bad enough, apparently, to merit closing all the schools.

Optimistically I pressed ahead with my painting plans, against a background whine of 'We don't know what to doooo!' Thankfully the Exiles stepped in and invited the Boy and Girl round to watch Finding Nemo, so that I could get on with all the fiddly edge bits without having to stop every thirty seconds to tell one child off for whingeing and the other one to for goodness sake stop trying to lick her brother's ear ('Why do you want to?' I asked. To which she replied, 'Because I can't lick my own.')

But oh, all the things you vow as a parent never to say! Click here for the full repertoire. The other day the Boy had committed some minor misdemeanour at school which he claimed a friend had put him up to. And out it came, the classic 'So, if your friend told you to jump off a cliff, would you do it?'

Next day the Boy, looking pleased with himself, took me to one side and said: 'If my friend tells me to jump off a cliff, I'll tell her to jump first. Then she can catch me.'