Food fight

A roomful of Americans told me today that my native food is no good. Outrageous! And all I'd done was ask what Hershey does to its chocolate to make it taste so horrible. I wasn't trying to cause offence, it was an honest enquiry!

The first response to the Hershey question was a slightly defensive 'Some people like Hersheys, ya know...' To which (given the barrage of insults that was soon to come my way) I wish I'd replied, 'Yeah, but only because they don't know any better.' Seriously, even brand new Hersheys Kisses taste like they've been sitting in a musty cupboard for six months past their use-by date. Horrible.

It turned out that a few of the people around me had visited Britain at one time or another, and pretty soon they were all telling me how much they hated the food there. 'But, but, but...' I could have said, 'At least we don't serve cheese with everything. We don't drink flavourless coffee out of buckets. And we haven't given the world chicken McNuggets, Krispie Kreme donuts and the Oreo Cookie dessert pizza! To name but a few of America's food crimes!'


I've a good mind to have them all round for a slap up meal of Marmite sandwiches washed down with milky tea. Then see what they have to say about British cuisine...