Is there anybody there?

Another requirement if I'm to obtain a New York driver's license is a letter from the Social Security Department stating that I am not eligible for a Social Security number. This feels like asking for proof of my own non-existence, but anyway.

I rang the help-line to find out what documents I needed to take to the Social Security Office. I was answered by an automated voice which asked me to state my reason for calling.

I said, 'I have an L-2 visa. I need a letter to say I am not eligible for a social security number.'

There was a pause.

The Voice said, 'I'm sorry, I didn't catch that. Please use at least six recognisable words when describing your reason for calling. Please don't mumble or say erm.'

I repeated my statement.

The Voice said, 'I think you just asked where your nearest Social Security Office is located. Am I correct?'

I said, 'No, you are not correct.'

The Voice said, 'I apologise. My mistake. Please speak clearly and try to explain your reason for calling in as few words as possible. You might try dropping the funny accent while you're about it.'

I repeated my statement.

The Voice all but sighed and said, 'I am putting you through to someone who can assist you.'

Another automated voice said, 'Your call is being held in a queue. Current waiting time is estimated at seven minutes but will probably turn out to be even longer...'

I ended the call and drove to the nearest Social Security Office with my passport, where a nice human being provided me with the required letter and sent me on my way in a matter of moments.