To be or not to be?

This morning it was confirmed that, for administrative purposes, I did not exist in New York State.

We had driven to the Department of Motor Vehicles (DMV) to apply for our Learner Permits (required before we can apply for our Driver’s Licenses). The Man sailed through the ID checks by wafting his Social Security number (SSN) and a couple of other documents. For me it was a different story.

As established yesterday, I don’t have an SSN. I do have an official letter saying I’m not eligible for one (though confusingly on the bottom of it is a message in bold saying ‘This is not proof of ineligibility for a Social Security number’. But whatever). To apply for a Leaner Permit I also needed to show ‘six points of ID’, and we had a list of approved documents to work from.

Foreign Passport– 3 points (check!)
US Bank card– 1 point (check!)
Medical insurance card– 1 point (check!)

But then it got complicated. Obviously I don’t have a US birth or marriage certificate. I don’t have any utility bills in my name because you need an SSN to get those. I have documents proving that I co-own a property in the US. I have documents to show that I have taken out insurance on that property and its contents. But they don’t count.

However, all was not lost. The DMV man offered me a solution: ‘You need to get yourself a BJs card.’

In other words, I needed to take out membership at a discount supermarket.

OK, if that’s what it takes, I thought. I drove for half an hour to the nearest BJs and queued up to join. The woman on the desk said ‘First thing I need is your State driver’s license.’

My head gently slammed onto the counter.

Ah no, a passport would do. Phew! But… hang on… that’d be the same passport that the DMV guy already checked. So, in order to prove definitively that I am who I say I am I just needed to have my passport double-checked by a supermarket employee with a tattooed cleavage and a nose-stud? Fine. Can't say fairer than that - except that it cost me $45 (plus tax).

Hey, there are benefits though. I now officially exist. And I can buy all my toilet paper discounted in bulk for a whole year. Who knows, eventually I might even recoup the membership fee.