December Tabloid Presents:
THE REAL SANTA!!!!
As reported by the Girl
I have interviewed elf No.36, and this is what he says:
“Santa is not who he claims to be!! Us elves are his slave labour!!! He doesn’t pay us, and we get no breaks!!! And he isn’t really having us make toys! We make him brilliant dinners and serve him cocktails!!!! That’s how he got so fat! We clean his house and run his errands!”
I asked elf 36 where the toys come from, and he told me,
“Santa steals toys from other children, and puts them down chimneys! If the kid has no chimney, he stuffs the presents though the sewage pipes!!”
When I asked this elf if he had anything else he wished to say, he told us:
“SANTA IS EVIL!!!!”
Well, now we know what Santa’s really like, I’m not sure we should look forward to Christmas!!
Tune in next week, for an interview with a sacked elf!!!!!
OMG! It all makes sense. And to think I've been leaving him a mince pie and my best Bristol Cream each year.
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